Back at square one

December 2, 2012

Dear friend,

Do you ever get the feeling that you’re in the same dilemma, just at another time and in another place, involving ¬†different people? If you’ve really learned from previous situations, why do you constantly find yourself stuck in the same predicament? You’re encountering the same exact problem, just two years later.

Dear friend, aren’t you tired?

Dear friend,

Sometimes (now is one of those times), I wish I could just delete your name and number from my mind, and be over and done with matters… with you. Sometimes, I really do believe I’m better off without you, better off if we’ve never met, better off without me having to feel this way.

Dear friend, why does it have to be like this?

Dear friend,

You always ¬†make me feel as if I’m nothing special, like I’m a speck of dust, like I’m mundane, easy to get, easy to please, easy to replace. It’s you and me today, and another person tomorrow. It’s a futile cycle that I can’t wait to intercept and just stop. Perhaps I should start now.

Dear friend, what are we even doing wasting our time?

Dear friend,

We both know that you and I are better off doing other more productive things instead of harboring all this negative energy. As rational, selfish, and self-righteous human beings, we should do just that. We should use our heads for once and do something we should not regret.

Dear friend, is that so hard?

Dear friend,

As much as I want this to last, at the end of the day, it’s nothing but exasperating and downright ridiculous. You don’t see it, but I do, because I’ve been down this road before, and I know how it’s going to end. Maybe it’s the sleep and the hormones talking, but I don’t want to end this day with the decision that tomorrow will start out and play out exactly like today, and so by tomorrow night, I’ll end up feeling the exact same thing as right now, and I’ll be faced with the exact same decision that I chose to succumb to tonight.

Dear friend, I can only hope that I don’t regret anything in the morning.

Dear friend,

You have no idea how uplifting yet exhausting you could be sometimes. Does it have to be this difficult? Do you have to be this difficult? I can’t believe I’m still thinking about this.

Dear friend, when will it all just stop?