What “I Love You” Means

December 2, 2013

Maybe I’ll say this on an anniversary or the engagement party speech.

Thought Catalog

When we’d fight and it was my fault, I’d try and soothe the wounds by saying, “I love you.” It’s a cheap trick, isn’t it? To use “I love you” to put a Band-aid on your anger? But often, I was so desperate to fix what was wrong it was the only thing I could think of to say. More eloquent words would not come out of my mouth. I needed not to lose you. I felt like all I had was that I loved you. But you’d call me out. I said, “I love you, come on.” You shot back at me, “I love you. I love you. What does that even mean to you? What does that mean?”

I felt terrible. I mean it when I am saying it. In the simplest way, “I love you.” I feel love for you. I am filled to the brim…

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Basically me. Sad or not? True though.

Thought Catalog

Have you ever gone somewhere and not exactly blend in…? It’s more than what you decided to wear that seems like an anomaly. People behave a certain way. You observe this many times at different social scenes. Nobody will approach you aside from a little “hi” and a courteous fake smile.

  1. You look unapproachable, or give off that energy that says something completely opposite of the way you are. Maybe it’s your clothing, maybe it’s a “don’t fuck with me” attitude displayed in your facial expressions, or maybe it’s just like the animal kingdom and your composure. The alpha male or alpha female struts in and all the other animals take notice and make a mental note to stay the fuck away.
  2. You have confirmation: Your friends didn’t like you originally, they told you they didn’t, but now that they know you, you’re really not that bad.
  3. People refuse to…

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The Compromise

November 21, 2013

Mon cherie,

I will always be me – unpredictable, boring, ugly, awesome, exciting, cool, witty, sarcastic, fun, funny/corny, and everything else that make up this five foot one dollop of girly evi- sweetness.

Sometimes, I will do things just because I can. Sometimes, I will have impulses. Sometimes, I will go through with them, most times, I don’t.

Just because I say something does not mean that I will go through with  it. Yes, it crossed my mind. Yes, maybe I would want to do it in the future, but it does not mean that I will.

I know that I maybe crazy, but you should always remember the dynamics of true friendship:

I will not promise that I won’t disappoint you, because somewhere along the line I know I might, but I trust that you’ll accept me for my mistakes, past, present, and future. I trust you enough not to walk away in the long run, and forgive me in some way, some how, maybe not right away, but eventually.

I trust you to do that, because I trust myself to do the same for you.

And although you know I have the tendency to do some undesirable things, trust in the fact that as much as I want to do those things for one reason or another, I will still prioritize our friendship over that. I will try my best not to disappoint you in any manner possible, because I care about you, and when you care about another person, their happiness becomes your own as well.

I hope that’s okay with you.

 

October 14, 2013

I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake.

I have so much schoolwork to do, and I can only pray that I finish on time. Considering the pace I’m going, that seems like a far-fetched dream. THESIS, CAN I PLEASE NOT FAIL BECAUSE OF YOU.

In other news…

Let me just make it short.

See, this is what I hate. I hate not knowing if I even have the right to be mad at you for what you did, because I don’t know exactly where I stand and so I don’t know what I should do. Should I even be asking myself if I have a right to be mad? At this point, it feels like that question is useless because I already am mad. I’m already there. There’s the line, and I’ve already crossed it, or you crossed it, or whatever.

Must watch

Thought Catalog

Fancy something a little bit different from cliché ridden blockbusters, predictable rom coms and endless comic book adaptations? When the current selection at your cinema doesn’t float your boat, it might be a good idea to explore foreign film instead. It’s not just for pretentious people, you know.

I understand that a lot of people seem to be put off by the fact you have to use subtitles and while this can be annoying, there is so much more to be gained that it seems like such a silly and insignificant reason. It’s a wonderful way of being introduced to other cultures, new ideas and historic events we never really heard about. It also will make you want to travel, lots. I’m not going to pretend that every foreign film is profound, more ‘authentic’ or intrinsically better than what we’ve got on offer here. It’s just that people miss out…

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“I didn’t realize it until now but, I forgot that when you like someone you’re not supposed to give them all your feelings. You’re supposed to leave some for yourself too. I forgot about that because I fell. I fell so fast for you. “

Thought Catalog

I didn’t think it was possible for a girl like me to find someone as special as you. I know that sounds too cliché but, I really did believe that love wasn’t for me. No boy has ever been interested in me. I’m not particularly beautiful, I’m not graceful or athletic. I’m the default smart girl because I don’t fit into any of the other boxes women seem to be categorized in. This didn’t really bother me because I never really thought about boys until I met you.

We started out as classmates then as friends. We made up inside jokes and you made fun of my innocent ways. We talked about our favorite shows and how Lost changed our lives. Then that one December afternoon we watched that movie and I don’t know about you but, I really did feel something. You told me about your favorite band and I started listening to…

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April 3, 2013

Thought Catalog

1. Telling your parents that you are just not going to agree with them about certain things (especially regarding your lifestyle choices), and that you are ready to deal with the consequences that might bring in your relationship.

2. Removing friends from your life that you grew up with who are simply no longer good for you, even if you have known them so long as to consider them just a part of your life — something you assume will always be there.

3. Telling these friends, should they ask, exactly why you don’t really hang out with each other anymore. Explaining to them what your issues actually are without trying to come off as though you have left them behind in some way (even if you feel like you have).

4. Deleting phone numbers of people you are very interested in dating but who are just never going to…

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April 3, 2013

Basically every time we fight.

Thought Catalog

I told you I was tired. That I’m done. That I wanted out. I felt triumphant at first, finally gathering up the strength and courage to break away from your spell.

When we love, we partly, or wholly, relinquish our conditions and checklists, for the sake of making them feel that we love them for who they are, and not for who we wish they’d be.”

A few minutes later, I started suffocating, crying, finding it difficult to breathe… I love you. I wanted to take it all back, to tell you, “I love you, I’m in love with you. I never meant anything I said.” But I did. I meant every word. I love you, but I am tired. Tired of being the one who says “I’m sorry” all the time. Tired of always, always being the one who swallows her pride just because to her, keeping…

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April 3, 2013

McLennon

Thought Catalog

Love is real, real is love. John Lennon
Love is a friendship set to music. Joseph Campbell
The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers. Thich Nhat Hanh
Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. James Baldwin
Love is now, is always. All that is missing is the coup de grâce — which is called passion. Clarice Lispector
when you love someone / you are scared of getting hurt / and you will get hurt Brandon Scott Gorrell
And now we’re apart and you’re just some stranger who knows all my secrets and all my family members and all my quirks and flaws and it doesn’t make sense. Gaby Dunn
He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But…

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