One thing I learned today from my philosophy class had nothing to do with our lecture on Bertrand Russell and why he was not a Christian. My professor explained the difference between resentment and contempt.

Resentment is directed towards someone higher than you in status while contempt is directed towards someone lower than you. Wikipedia goes on to explain that anger is directed towards people of equal status.

Unlike resentment, indignation, and contempt, and like anger hatred is an emotion that treats the other on an equal-footing, neither degrading him as “subhuman” (as in contempt) nor treating him with the lack of respect due to a moral inferior (as in indignation) nor humbling oneself before (or away from) him with the self-righteous impotence of resentment. – An excerpt from The Passions: Emotions and the Meaning of Life by Robert C. Solomon

Therefore, “I resent you” does not mean the same as “I am angry at you” or “I hate you”, nor does it go on the same level as contemptuousness.

Examples:

YES- I resent those involved in the shady game of corruption in the Philippine government.

NO- I resent you for beating me at Fruit Ninja.

YES – I am filled with contempt because of their sheer inadequacy.

NO – Almost everyone has this feeling of contempt because she’s constantly power tripping.

 

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You know those times when something happens, and initially, it’s a good thing, but then later on, you frown and think, that no, it probably wasn’t such a good idea?

Take for example my two high school batchmates I happened to see today in university. They’re kind of popular since they’re one of the more famous fashionistas of the College of Liberal Arts. They have their own online clothing store, and they’re really nice and friendly. The makings of teenage elite, as far as Philippine college society would go.

Anyway, they walked past me a while ago, and as usual, their outfits were gorgeous. It wasn’t the usual get up you’d normally see on a college student. After all, majority of the population wear jeans and a shirt, but those two batch mates of mine? Oh no, they had to wear skirts and flowy blouses and other things that you could only see on the average Forever21 mannequin.

So, in regards to their outfit, it was a total hit, but then….

“I love your clothes!……. if only they weren’t so see-through that I could see your underwear.”

Perhaps in a club-like setting, I wouldn’t have minded, but given that we were in school, their outfits were dancing on the fringes of inappropriate. I honestly liked their outfit. I mean, I wish I had those items in my closet, but to wear those in school? I’ll pass, hun.

What are other hits and misses?

“Yes! I finished studying for exams…….. but now my bed’s all littered with papers I can’t even sleep in it.”

“Aaawww, your story was really touching. Thanks for sharing that with me……… now will you please move your head so I can see that guy behind you?”

“HAHAHAHA Awesome joke, bro!!!……………. so…. what was the professor talking about again?”

“I love Starbucks coffee………….. now I can’t sleep.”

“I can’t believe I’m flying out in six hours! Best vacation abroad ever!!…………. But I haven’t packed.”

“This burger is huge!………. Now how am I supposed to eat it?”

And perhaps my current situation:

“Oh cool, I made another post…………… Uhm, so I have readings I haven’t started on for the philosophy class I have in an hour.”

Dear ______________,

I know things between us haven’t been okay lately, and I know why. I just wanted to say that I’m truly sorry for _________________________. I never meant to hurt you or anyone else. I didn’t mean to do it -or- I admit it was intentional, but it just seemed like the best thing to do/say/____ at that time. I do realize that what I did was still wrong, and I’m just filled with so much regret. I promise never to commit the same mistake again.

I’m sorry for being selfish/______. Our ___________ is really more important than this, and I hope we can stop fighting/ignoring each other/__________. I also hope that in time, you would find it in your heart to forgive me so that we can get past this. I’ve learned my lesson and I just really want to start over. What do you say?

 

Love,

______________

  1. Don’t be needy. Nobody wants a clingy, overly sweet person.
  2. In relation to number 1, respect the concepts of personal space, alone time, and quiet. You don’t have to say something just to fill in the silence. Trust me. One way to know if you’re compatible with a person – when being quiet together isn’t at all awkward.
  3. Do not stalk/constantly “chance upon” his/her facebook wall or twitter or other social networking profile. You don’t need to know everything that goes on in his/her little noggin’.
  4. Only text once in a while. Text a “Hey, how are you?” and keep the conversation short. Once you have exchanged niceties (an exchange of two or three text messages is enough), ask the person you like if you can meet up sometime for a meal. It’s always better to continue the conversation in person.
  5. When I say once in a while, I mean maybe twice a week. Everyday is stifling. If the person you like says “No, I can’t meet up because I’m busy/caught up/out of town/etc.”, then drop it, say it’s alright, you can meet up another time, and tell that person to just contact you when he/she is free.
  6. NO means NO. If you want to insist on your point, do it minimally and politely.
  7. When you guys do go out, keep it casual since both of you are still starting out. 
  8. However, do not, and I repeat, do NOT commit the mistake of doing the “Where do you want to eat?” question dance. Seriously. It’s a never-ending, if not rhetorical question that will only lead you to a sub-par restaurant you chose to make-do for the evening. Always have a place in mind already. It saves time and it makes you look prepared/like you have a plan.
  9. Do the check-dance. The feeling of the check going back and forth is somewhat flattering (i.e. “Aaawww, he/she wants to pay for me! I feel so loved/appreciated!” or “This person really enjoyed hanging out with me so he/she’s paying for me!”)
  10. Don’t do all the chasing, because…
  • It will get boring for you and for the person you like at some point.
  • It will get tiring, and your bank account will be drained.
  • The person you like might get creeped out. Give him/her some time to decide if he/she really likes you.
  • You get to know how hard the other person is willing to work to keep you around.

Damn, I wanted to stop at 10, but this just popped into my head. In summary…

11. No matter how important the person you like is to you, never EVER let it show. I don’t care if you think that he/she is the sun of your universe or that he/she is more important than the air you breathe. Always show that you can stand alone, independently, and that you can carry yourself well in this world. A strong character is always the most alluring, even if inside you’re just grovelling at the other person’s feet, inwardly begging his/her heart and soul to just give you a tiny shred of love. In other words, play it cool. You wouldn’t want to smother the love of your life with your romantic and sweeping declarations of affection, right?

Remember that these are steps only to be followed when you start liking somebody. These rules may and most likely will change through the course of time. Also, please follow at your own risk. I’m not saying these set of rules apply to everybody, but hey, they sure work for me. Take from it what you will.